I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
