Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
