More tranny stories later!
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
