i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
