i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i dont even know how to be here
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
