I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
