dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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