You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
not ubering you a puppy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
