Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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