So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
