This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
