Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
