I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
