these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
