After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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