It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize