I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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