all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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