you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
did i just pee glitter
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
