I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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