No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
