Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
