please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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