Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My penis needs a shock collar
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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