Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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