Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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