Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
