I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
