sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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