i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize