i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
