Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize