my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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