so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
