Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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