so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
