woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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