i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
