It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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