He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize