So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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