yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
