He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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