If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
