all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
