I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
