i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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