i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
