Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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