i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
