Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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