ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
