he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
barbara walters just said penis...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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