apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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