oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
