It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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