My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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