She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
