did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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