the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
