The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
