I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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