I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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