So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
