The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
