WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
