Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
handjob tips. give me some.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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